I have no memories of early chidhood friendships only some fondness for some relatives

Standing on the outside of the circle looking in but never belonging inside the rim

Not knowing the rules so never being sure what to do to fit in

A mother who i know loved me but had been orphaned at ten doing the best that she could with the help of Dr Spocks book on child rearing

A father that had learned from a mother with a heart as cold as flint, so a childhood with out hugs or kisses or encouraging words

I neither want or need anyones sypathy for my childhood it just was as it was

It has made me what i am today’a slightly fucked up old man

But with some self analysis and conversations with my late brother i know what my failings are and why i am what i am

A not great father to my kids and probably a not great husband partner call it what you will

I do think that on reflection i am doing the best i can and trying to be a better me

I fail often and for that i have sadness but some things i cannot change

I will carry on trying to be a nicer me less of a loner more of we

I accept that a lot of my failures will never be righted and i will carry to my grave

I have no complaint against my parents like me they did their best